I felt so guilty after the drug deal. But that guilt only lasted as long as I was high. After the Xanax wore off, I was right back at the store. Since I wasn’t making any more money, I had to rely on Jerry to give me spending cash. My allowance was definitely not enough to support my habit.
Now I know that doubling the dosage of Xanax is a crazy and idiotic thing to do. But at the time, it was genius. Soon, I got that calm feeling back. Like a tree in the breeze, I was mellow yet happy. Not having sex with Jerry didn’t bother me anymore. I didn’t need him. I had my meds.